I have been trying to imagine for years what this day would be like for me. The day that my baby would walk into school for the very first time. To begin the journey down the long road to success. Would she cry, be excited or scared? What would she wear? Would she have a good teacher? All of these thoughts never really prepare you for the "in the moment" feeling the first walk down the hall to her classroom. All these little 5 year old boys and girls, lined up against the brick building waiting to become our future. As I looked at these little people it occurred to me that one of these children could one day be our President, the doctor who finds the "cure" or the teacher that makes a difference.
There were Mom's and Dad's with camera's all having the same look. Mom's with tears in their eyes and the daddy's trying to calm the mommy's down so their child would not see the mommy's cry. In some cases mommy's calming mommy's down because daddy's could not be there. Most of the Mom's and Dad's said the exact same words "wow they did not even care if I left" and that is they way it was. We walked down the sidewalk into the building down the hall and all stood there watching our babies line up in front of a classroom that will begin the wonder years of learning. We all watched as they put their backpacks into their newly labeled cubbies, hung their jackets and placed their lunch bags into the "lunch bag box" at that point I knew the time had come. We both said our goodbye and with tears in my eyes we walked out the door, down the hall and into the sunlight.
As I walked into this very quiet house, I looked in the sink to find the empty milk glass and the dirty breakfast plate.. The sound of quiet was everywhere. I had a good cry but this time it was happy tears. Not because my baby is growing up but because I was blessed with a baby to grow up. So, I will go forward today not so sad that she is now in school and growing up, but with the confidence she might just be the next President!
Happy First Day to make your mark on the word Allison Faith Dove!
September 7, 2010
February 20, 2010
White Ball, Accountability and Action's
After 2 days of endless dissection of the "Tiger Woods" apology, I feel the need to express my opinion. I have had my "opinions" of his actions and I have my opinion of his talent. Here are a couple of observations that I have made regarding this personal yet very public issue.
1. He is a MAN that has been blessed with the amazing talent to hit a small white ball with a stick, down a green grass field, sometimes over water and sand toward a flag perched into a small round hole. I have played this sport and I know it takes practice and talent. It can appear boring but it is a VERY competitive sport and unlike other sports can be played very late in life.
2. He was "forced" or "encouraged" at a very early age to improve and showcase these talents. He was a wonder to us all with his cute little smile and the love he showed his family. Do you remember when he won the Masters for the first time?? Even if you don't care for golf, you have to admit the tear in your eye as he celebrated with his dad. This started the attitude that "You are above the rules, laws and moral accountability" he was forced into "role model" status because we think you have to be famous or extremely talented to be "hero" status these days. Do any of us "normal" meaning (non famous, average talented, only a hero to our kids) have the right to discuss his "personal" or bad "moral" decisions made off the green grass field??? Why is he held to a higher standard than the "normal" people choosing to dissect every word of a statement he was forced to make.
3. I find it very interesting that this was the MOST IMPORTANT topic on Friday afternoon. It appeared that EVERYONE stopped to listen to what he had to say, as if it would once again give us a "warm fuzzy feeling" would he make it all right?? could we just forget??? give us an excuse, there has to be some reason this "MAN" this roll model, would make such a bad moral choice and disappoint the free world. Well, how did it make you feel? did you get validation that this hero would once again climb to the top of the white ball? will you allow your kids to continue golf lessons? Will you continue to watch on Sunday afternoon the MAN in the red shirt win the game??? Do we really need to take every word of his statement and analyze the meaning? Do we need to know who was in the room and why he did not answer questions? And the most famous opinion expressed after the statement. "How long did he hug his mom and what did she say to him?"
Here is my OPINION on this topic and I am off the subject forever!
1. He made a moral decision, YES he made the choice. He is the one that has to live with the decision that it was wrong. He needs to be a hero to his children not the world!
2. He is very talented and needs to chase the white ball again! live his life without greed and fame and I bet his game of golf game will improve.
3. Look around you and ask yourself? Do we have the moral right to put that kind of pressure on one man??? Put a person in HERO status, simply because he has been blessed with talent, fame, money? Do we the public have the right to allow this to be the topic the entire Country is talking about. Do our children need to be exposed to his BAD MORAL choices. Is this really that news worthy???? Do we have the right to know about his personal issues good or bad????? Do we need to make a choice???? Maybe turn off the media?
4. Actions speak louder than words... If he wants to do the right thing he will by actions not words! He did this to his family, his wife, his children. This is HIS battle to fight. And our opinions do not matter. We will all watch again when he returns and I can assure you it will be the MOST important news event of the day. But is it really????
1. He is a MAN that has been blessed with the amazing talent to hit a small white ball with a stick, down a green grass field, sometimes over water and sand toward a flag perched into a small round hole. I have played this sport and I know it takes practice and talent. It can appear boring but it is a VERY competitive sport and unlike other sports can be played very late in life.
2. He was "forced" or "encouraged" at a very early age to improve and showcase these talents. He was a wonder to us all with his cute little smile and the love he showed his family. Do you remember when he won the Masters for the first time?? Even if you don't care for golf, you have to admit the tear in your eye as he celebrated with his dad. This started the attitude that "You are above the rules, laws and moral accountability" he was forced into "role model" status because we think you have to be famous or extremely talented to be "hero" status these days. Do any of us "normal" meaning (non famous, average talented, only a hero to our kids) have the right to discuss his "personal" or bad "moral" decisions made off the green grass field??? Why is he held to a higher standard than the "normal" people choosing to dissect every word of a statement he was forced to make.
3. I find it very interesting that this was the MOST IMPORTANT topic on Friday afternoon. It appeared that EVERYONE stopped to listen to what he had to say, as if it would once again give us a "warm fuzzy feeling" would he make it all right?? could we just forget??? give us an excuse, there has to be some reason this "MAN" this roll model, would make such a bad moral choice and disappoint the free world. Well, how did it make you feel? did you get validation that this hero would once again climb to the top of the white ball? will you allow your kids to continue golf lessons? Will you continue to watch on Sunday afternoon the MAN in the red shirt win the game??? Do we really need to take every word of his statement and analyze the meaning? Do we need to know who was in the room and why he did not answer questions? And the most famous opinion expressed after the statement. "How long did he hug his mom and what did she say to him?"
Here is my OPINION on this topic and I am off the subject forever!
1. He made a moral decision, YES he made the choice. He is the one that has to live with the decision that it was wrong. He needs to be a hero to his children not the world!
2. He is very talented and needs to chase the white ball again! live his life without greed and fame and I bet his game of golf game will improve.
3. Look around you and ask yourself? Do we have the moral right to put that kind of pressure on one man??? Put a person in HERO status, simply because he has been blessed with talent, fame, money? Do we the public have the right to allow this to be the topic the entire Country is talking about. Do our children need to be exposed to his BAD MORAL choices. Is this really that news worthy???? Do we have the right to know about his personal issues good or bad????? Do we need to make a choice???? Maybe turn off the media?
4. Actions speak louder than words... If he wants to do the right thing he will by actions not words! He did this to his family, his wife, his children. This is HIS battle to fight. And our opinions do not matter. We will all watch again when he returns and I can assure you it will be the MOST important news event of the day. But is it really????
February 11, 2010
Beep, Beep, Beep.... I am thinking of you!
I find myself always thinking about the past as each date of a new month or a new year comes around. 2010 has been no exception, I find myself thinking, this time last year I was getting ready to sell our house. This time last month I was getting ready for Allison's surgery. This time last year I still had my dad. 5 years ago I was pregnant. It is always the same, with me marking the days of February off the calender with the same emotion every year. I will do this in March for the 1 year anniversary of my Dad passing and again starting in June thinking of where I was and what I was doing in 2005. All of these dates have deep life changing emotion attached to them.
There was a movie on tonight called "Grace is gone" with John Cusack. I try and censor myself from watching "Military theme" movies that deal with loss. However, I started watching and felt the need to keep watching. The story is about a father taking care of his two girls, while their mother was deployed with the Army. She is killed in action and he has the horrible task of telling his girls. He makes a decision to take off, drive to Florida and have "fun" at an amusement park before having to break his girls hearts. Both girls start to figure out that something is going on however, none of them want to discuss the inevitable. The youngest girl has a watch that has an alarm set at a specific time. Her mom and her both set these watches together so when the alarm went off the other would know that they were thinking of each other. As I was watching this it brought me back to a time when we were going through our fertility treatments with Allison and Mike had his watch set for 7PM. Every night the alarm would go off to signal it was time for my shots. Long after Allison was born the alarm would go off. I asked him one day "months" after she was born, why he still had the alarm on? And his answer was simple that when the alarm went off he would smile and remember how important the beep beep beep was.
I am glad for the little beep, beep, beep's in my life that allow me to remember how many times I have had to watch the flag folded, Taps played and the horrific sound of gun fire. I want to feel that raw emotion that I witnessed on the faces of the Soldiers as they bury their brother. I want to remember the beautiful children that were forced to understand that freedom is not free and their life is forever changed because their dad is the true hero. I want to remember the millions of tears, the anger and the strength that we all found to support and take care of our own. I see the faces of these men each day as I look into my husband's eyes and still see the pain, honor and respect for these brother that were lost. So as we reach the days, months and years of our past, present and future listen for the little beep, beep, beep's stop and remember everyday the price some have paid so we are protected...
To our fallen hero's killed on February 18, 2007 and February 22, 2002 and to all the fallen everywhere we will never forget the sacrifice that you gave for our freedom. We miss you!!
NSDQ!
January 18, 2010
English, Surgery and learning how to point!
As most of you know there are always a series of things that happen when I set out on a journey. Does not matter what the journey may be, things just happen. The past 5 days were filled with several emotions. Frustration, tears, fear, happiness, pure exhaustion, and freedom!
Wednesday we were told that we were to take Allison to the hospital to meet with the Anesthesiologist and have Allison admitted to the hospital for her surgery the next day. This is the first in a series of events that made this a learning experience. Due to the small post we are stationed at and since we are not located near a large Military Hospital. We are sent to German doctors and are taken care of at German hospitals. NOTE to self- LEARN GERMAN!
We arrived on time only to ask (as we were told) the information desk where we needed to go?? Ask in German "do you speak English" (I will spare you my broken attempt at writing German) however, I can ask that very well! The answer to the question was NO. I pull out my Germany book and the information that we were given from the doctor. He pointed (pointing is the universal way to communicate) down a long hall and to the left so we walk, walk and walk some more only to come to a nice nurse who of course when we ask "Do you speak English?" she says the UNIVERSAL GERMAN ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION if they speak English "a little bit" all while making the little bit sign with your thumb and index finger... she looked over the paper work and walked us to the Anesthesiologist office. We had to fill out more paperwork and wait for 1.5 hours to see the doctor to answer questions about Allison and go over her entire history she also knew "a little bit of English" and would GOOGLE the words to communicate with us... Very interesting and all I have to say is thank goodness for google.de! She then pointed us in the direction of station 22 down another long hall and to the right to the left and to the right again (not kidding) we get to ward 22 only to be told that we have to do more paper work (right down the hall from the original place we were) then come back to station 22 to be taken to station 4, because they did not have room for us in station 22 so we were going to be in station 4. (we ended up getting moved back to station 22 on Friday afternoon) I can not make this up and it took 4 hours of pointing, broken German and going back and forth down the same hallway 5 times to get admitted. I learned if all else fails find a doctor, they know more than "a little" English and are VERY helpful!!! We had a wonderful room with 2 beds, one for me and of course Allison. That was the first night, of course there were no meds or anything scary for Allison, so she thought we were in a hotel with a really cool bed!!
Day 2 - Surgery day.. NOT a good day! They had given Allison "something" to calm her and make her sleepy before they took her to surgery in order to get the IV started. They waited too long to give it to her, so she was still awake when I had to leave her, she was kind of loopy however, still understood that I was not going with her. Big tears and reaching for me is not a good way to watch your baby going to surgery. We really at this point had no idea where we were supposed to go, this was the first time that language became an issue for me. I cried for 45 minutes. We were originally told that the surgery would last 45 minutes, so you can imagine my fear at the 2 hour mark. I was just about at the panic mark when they come to get me, Mike had gone back to station 4 (we had no idea what to do at this point) they wanted me in the recovery room when she woke up. I was not prepared to see her head completely bandaged and blood coming out of her nose. They allow you to wake up on your own instead of waking you up in recovery like they do in the States. 45 minutes later she started waking up. The first thing she said was "what did you give me?" she was funny but it was sad, kind of like she had been on a 2 day drunk. This begin a very LONG 24 hours. My sweet, cute red head was not so sweet under the influence. She was not happy and told us so. She was MAD at the doctors and would NOT talk to him or even look at him. She slept most of the day however, as she started to wake up later that night the nurses gave her some yogurt. Thinking that it was great she was eating I let her have it... BIG MISTAKE! The throwing up started.. my friend who is 8 months pregnant was there bringing us dinner (Mike had to leave early in the afternoon to deal with an crisis at work) so it was me and Candice and 2 nurses that spoke less than a little English. This is when I learned that anyone can understand when you point to your mouth and say vomit. My friend was so good to say Kinder and do the motion of vomit. It was a mess for a few minutes but like I said pointing and acting works wonders. I requested a doctor who also "spoke a little bit of English" (I might add it was perfect) he gave her some meds and even came back in the middle of the night to check on her. He also wanted to practice English, so at 2AM I am trying to teach him words in English plus talk about being American, again more pointing and acting which I realized was stupid since he spoke really good English.
The next days were just filled with her getting the meds out of her system and recovery. Her doctor is a Professor who went to Duke. He is very good and I am so impressed with German Medicine. He was explaining to us everything he did and at one point he said and I quote "I started on the left ear and I had to consult with myself" as to replace the tube or leave it out I think he was trying to say, I had to decide what to do but it came out that he had to consult with himself. It was very funny and he had no idea what he had said. Picture it OR doctor saying self do you think I need to replace the tube? ha ha It is amazing the care you receive. The nurses are so caring and the doctors listen to EVERYTHING you say and it seems to me that you get amazing care.. the only issue was language and at times that was a challenge however, there was always someone that could communicate with. Trust me when your child needs something you will do whatever it takes to make someone understand... I am sure they have had a good laugh at me!! :)
What I took away from my latest journey:
1. If German's know English they know "a little bit"
2. Pointing is the universal language (acting helps)
3. Everywhere I go New Zealand, Korea, Japan, Germany... everyone wants to know about America and Do you know anyone famous?? I am not sure as to why I always get this question but I have been asked this in every Country I have been too.
4. You can buy beer in a vending machine at a German hospital
5. Watching your 4 year old be taken to surgery reaching for you will break your heart
6. I made it through 5 days without hearing about Tiger Woods.
7. German hospital food... not so good..... "just order schnitzel"
8. How wonderful it is walking through the front door and hearing my daughter say to her babies.. mommy is home!
Frustration - the language
Tears - watching my baby go to surgery and watching her recover
Fear - surgery
Happiness -successful surgery
Freedom - today 5PM walking out the hospital door going home!
Many thanks to all for your concern and prayers
Laurie
Wednesday we were told that we were to take Allison to the hospital to meet with the Anesthesiologist and have Allison admitted to the hospital for her surgery the next day. This is the first in a series of events that made this a learning experience. Due to the small post we are stationed at and since we are not located near a large Military Hospital. We are sent to German doctors and are taken care of at German hospitals. NOTE to self- LEARN GERMAN!
We arrived on time only to ask (as we were told) the information desk where we needed to go?? Ask in German "do you speak English" (I will spare you my broken attempt at writing German) however, I can ask that very well! The answer to the question was NO. I pull out my Germany book and the information that we were given from the doctor. He pointed (pointing is the universal way to communicate) down a long hall and to the left so we walk, walk and walk some more only to come to a nice nurse who of course when we ask "Do you speak English?" she says the UNIVERSAL GERMAN ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION if they speak English "a little bit" all while making the little bit sign with your thumb and index finger... she looked over the paper work and walked us to the Anesthesiologist office. We had to fill out more paperwork and wait for 1.5 hours to see the doctor to answer questions about Allison and go over her entire history she also knew "a little bit of English" and would GOOGLE the words to communicate with us... Very interesting and all I have to say is thank goodness for google.de! She then pointed us in the direction of station 22 down another long hall and to the right to the left and to the right again (not kidding) we get to ward 22 only to be told that we have to do more paper work (right down the hall from the original place we were) then come back to station 22 to be taken to station 4, because they did not have room for us in station 22 so we were going to be in station 4. (we ended up getting moved back to station 22 on Friday afternoon) I can not make this up and it took 4 hours of pointing, broken German and going back and forth down the same hallway 5 times to get admitted. I learned if all else fails find a doctor, they know more than "a little" English and are VERY helpful!!! We had a wonderful room with 2 beds, one for me and of course Allison. That was the first night, of course there were no meds or anything scary for Allison, so she thought we were in a hotel with a really cool bed!!
Day 2 - Surgery day.. NOT a good day! They had given Allison "something" to calm her and make her sleepy before they took her to surgery in order to get the IV started. They waited too long to give it to her, so she was still awake when I had to leave her, she was kind of loopy however, still understood that I was not going with her. Big tears and reaching for me is not a good way to watch your baby going to surgery. We really at this point had no idea where we were supposed to go, this was the first time that language became an issue for me. I cried for 45 minutes. We were originally told that the surgery would last 45 minutes, so you can imagine my fear at the 2 hour mark. I was just about at the panic mark when they come to get me, Mike had gone back to station 4 (we had no idea what to do at this point) they wanted me in the recovery room when she woke up. I was not prepared to see her head completely bandaged and blood coming out of her nose. They allow you to wake up on your own instead of waking you up in recovery like they do in the States. 45 minutes later she started waking up. The first thing she said was "what did you give me?" she was funny but it was sad, kind of like she had been on a 2 day drunk. This begin a very LONG 24 hours. My sweet, cute red head was not so sweet under the influence. She was not happy and told us so. She was MAD at the doctors and would NOT talk to him or even look at him. She slept most of the day however, as she started to wake up later that night the nurses gave her some yogurt. Thinking that it was great she was eating I let her have it... BIG MISTAKE! The throwing up started.. my friend who is 8 months pregnant was there bringing us dinner (Mike had to leave early in the afternoon to deal with an crisis at work) so it was me and Candice and 2 nurses that spoke less than a little English. This is when I learned that anyone can understand when you point to your mouth and say vomit. My friend was so good to say Kinder and do the motion of vomit. It was a mess for a few minutes but like I said pointing and acting works wonders. I requested a doctor who also "spoke a little bit of English" (I might add it was perfect) he gave her some meds and even came back in the middle of the night to check on her. He also wanted to practice English, so at 2AM I am trying to teach him words in English plus talk about being American, again more pointing and acting which I realized was stupid since he spoke really good English.
The next days were just filled with her getting the meds out of her system and recovery. Her doctor is a Professor who went to Duke. He is very good and I am so impressed with German Medicine. He was explaining to us everything he did and at one point he said and I quote "I started on the left ear and I had to consult with myself" as to replace the tube or leave it out I think he was trying to say, I had to decide what to do but it came out that he had to consult with himself. It was very funny and he had no idea what he had said. Picture it OR doctor saying self do you think I need to replace the tube? ha ha It is amazing the care you receive. The nurses are so caring and the doctors listen to EVERYTHING you say and it seems to me that you get amazing care.. the only issue was language and at times that was a challenge however, there was always someone that could communicate with. Trust me when your child needs something you will do whatever it takes to make someone understand... I am sure they have had a good laugh at me!! :)
What I took away from my latest journey:
1. If German's know English they know "a little bit"
2. Pointing is the universal language (acting helps)
3. Everywhere I go New Zealand, Korea, Japan, Germany... everyone wants to know about America and Do you know anyone famous?? I am not sure as to why I always get this question but I have been asked this in every Country I have been too.
4. You can buy beer in a vending machine at a German hospital
5. Watching your 4 year old be taken to surgery reaching for you will break your heart
6. I made it through 5 days without hearing about Tiger Woods.
7. German hospital food... not so good..... "just order schnitzel"
8. How wonderful it is walking through the front door and hearing my daughter say to her babies.. mommy is home!
Frustration - the language
Tears - watching my baby go to surgery and watching her recover
Fear - surgery
Happiness -successful surgery
Freedom - today 5PM walking out the hospital door going home!
Many thanks to all for your concern and prayers
Laurie
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