Beep, Beep, Beep.... I am thinking of you!

I find myself always thinking about the past as each date of a new month or a new year comes around. 2010 has been no exception, I find myself thinking, this time last year I was getting ready to sell our house. This time last month I was getting ready for Allison's surgery. This time last year I still had my dad. 5 years ago I was pregnant. It is always the same, with me marking the days of February off the calender with the same emotion every year. I will do this in March for the 1 year anniversary of my Dad passing and again starting in June thinking of where I was and what I was doing in 2005. All of these dates have deep life changing emotion attached to them.

There was a movie on tonight called "Grace is gone" with John Cusack. I try and censor myself from watching "Military theme" movies that deal with loss. However, I started watching and felt the need to keep watching. The story is about a father taking care of his two girls, while their mother was deployed with the Army. She is killed in action and he has the horrible task of telling his girls. He makes a decision to take off, drive to Florida and have "fun" at an amusement park before having to break his girls hearts. Both girls start to figure out that something is going on however, none of them want to discuss the inevitable. The youngest girl has a watch that has an alarm set at a specific time. Her mom and her both set these watches together so when the alarm went off the other would know that they were thinking of each other. As I was watching this it brought me back to a time when we were going through our fertility treatments with Allison and Mike had his watch set for 7PM. Every night the alarm would go off to signal it was time for my shots. Long after Allison was born the alarm would go off. I asked him one day "months" after she was born, why he still had the alarm on? And his answer was simple that when the alarm went off he would smile and remember how important the beep beep beep was.

I am glad for the little beep, beep, beep's in my life that allow me to remember how many times I have had to watch the flag folded, Taps played and the horrific sound of gun fire. I want to feel that raw emotion that I witnessed on the faces of the Soldiers as they bury their brother. I want to remember the beautiful children that were forced to understand that freedom is not free and their life is forever changed because their dad is the true hero. I want to remember the millions of tears, the anger and the strength that we all found to support and take care of our own. I see the faces of these men each day as I look into my husband's eyes and still see the pain, honor and respect for these brother that were lost. So as we reach the days, months and years of our past, present and future listen for the little beep, beep, beep's stop and remember everyday the price some have paid so we are protected...

To our fallen hero's killed on February 18, 2007 and February 22, 2002 and to all the fallen everywhere we will never forget the sacrifice that you gave for our freedom. We miss you!!

NSDQ!